I recently took a look back at some posts I had written but never published. I came across a piece that I wrote three years ago. It was one of the hardest years of my life, and I didn’t have the strength to share it with the world. Today, the Lord has taught and grew me tremendously so that I now have the strength to share what I wrote those many years ago.
We all put on a face that says we’re happy, but deep down we’re all scared of something and usually we’re afraid of whats to come. In my life at least, the future is the one thing that i am scared of, afraid of, and just flat out don’t understand. I have no idea whats to come and what i’m going to do with it when it does. When I look at the people around me, I realize that I am surrounded with the same exact thing in everyone else. Tomorrow is a terrifying thing to think of. We may think we know whats to come next, but we have no idea of the unexpected road bumps that may change our course of travel.
I expected my senior year to be the greatest year of my life. I thought I was going to have the greatest time and nothing would stand in my way of ‘living it up’. Of course, that wasn’t the case. Yes, Ive had a great time and love being 18, but I have definently had my hardships. I never expected to hit the “road bumps” that I did, but I am very glad I did. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have discovered who I really am, found a greater person in a certain loved one that I never imagined, and gotten as close to the Lord as I have. While this year has been one of the most challenging yet, it has also been one of the greatest. I’ve learned that after a while in the dark, your eyes learn to adjust and accept. There your heart discovers faith that your mind had never found. The ones around us crawl at the outsides of the black hole trying to get in and help, while we want nothing more than to let them in. The thought of letting them in, petrifies us because it means we have to share the deepest feelings/thoughts in our heart. It may be the hardest things we have to do, but it is also the most freeing. That is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned this past year, but I must say the faith i’ve gained is the one thing that will stay with me the longest. I now have the strength to believe that the Lord has everything in his plan and I may never know exactly what that is, but he is always there for me even when it seems He’s not.