I recently took a look back at some posts I had written but never published. I came across a piece that I wrote three years ago. It was one of the hardest years of my life, and I didn’t have the strength to share it with the world. Today, the Lord has taught and grew me tremendously so that I now have the strength to share what I wrote those many years ago.
We all put on a face that says we’re happy, but deep down we’re all scared of something and usually we’re afraid of whats to come. In my life at least, the future is the one thing that i am scared of, afraid of, and just flat out don’t understand. I have no idea whats to come and what i’m going to do with it when it does. When I look at the people around me, I realize that I am surrounded with the same exact thing in everyone else. Tomorrow is a terrifying thing to think of. We may think we know whats to come next, but we have no idea of the unexpected road bumps that may change our course of travel.
I expected my senior year to be the greatest year of my life. I thought I was going to have the greatest time and nothing would stand in my way of ‘living it up’. Of course, that wasn’t the case. Yes, Ive had a great time and love being 18, but I have definently had my hardships. I never expected to hit the “road bumps” that I did, but I am very glad I did. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have discovered who I really am, found a greater person in a certain loved one that I never imagined, and gotten as close to the Lord as I have. While this year has been one of the most challenging yet, it has also been one of the greatest. I’ve learned that after a while in the dark, your eyes learn to adjust and accept. There your heart discovers faith that your mind had never found. The ones around us crawl at the outsides of the black hole trying to get in and help, while we want nothing more than to let them in. The thought of letting them in, petrifies us because it means we have to share the deepest feelings/thoughts in our heart. It may be the hardest things we have to do, but it is also the most freeing. That is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned this past year, but I must say the faith i’ve gained is the one thing that will stay with me the longest. I now have the strength to believe that the Lord has everything in his plan and I may never know exactly what that is, but he is always there for me even when it seems He’s not.
David Crowder #passion2014
In the spirit of new beginnings that comes with the new year, I have been thinking a lot about how I would like to see my life change and where I can begin to work on it. One of the things that keeps coming to mind is simplicity. Life feels sometimes so totally chaotic that I don’t have the time or energy to breathe and enjoy the life I’m blessed with.
Life is about the small, quiet moments, falling in love, friendship, creating and living. (like this moment, sitting in my room on a cloudy, rainy day, drinking my coffee, writing, and a record spinning a tune- in all it’s simplicity, it just feels right.) In my life, I wasn’t appreciating these things. With a hectic and overly cluttered life, it’s hard to take the time to grow into who you want to be. In many areas of life, simplicity is yearned for. In this stagnating state, I was lingering and not growing into who I wanted to be.
One area of life that has curated the most frustration, was my wardrobe. Every time I oped the doors and look at whats on those hangers, I do not feel a sense of calmness and simplicity. Instead, I feel overwhelmed and dispirited. I do not see “me” in my clothes. I see cheap, over worn items that do not show my style.
So this year marks the start of finding “me”. I do not know completely what my style is, and that’s okay. One must start somewhere in order to make progress. This journey starts with simplifying what I own to pieces that I truly love. I have purged my closet to it’s bare minimums that I know I love and speak the style I am reaching for.
Next, I will narrow my shopping. I want my closet to house only great quality pieces. I would rather spend more money on a good quality piece, then less on a poor quality piece. Quality over quantity. I want to be able to have these items for a while. I want them to be able to carry me through the many stages of life that are still to come.
So, cheers to the new year and new lifestyles.
Love this pretty pink record! (at Sloom-Of Monsters and Men)